i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
