so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
