there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't put those talents on a resume
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im part way to drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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