just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
