I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
