I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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