your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
