i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
