I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
