Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
