Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
