I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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