Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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