perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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