I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
