Plan B is the new Plan A
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
