you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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