Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize