smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
