True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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