Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
