New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize