i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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