do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
