What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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