just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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