I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
