the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
