Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
