i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
