Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
