i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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