My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
