Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
