and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
