Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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