Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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