Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
