don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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