my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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