all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
