I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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