I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
