She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
