You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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