Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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