he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
