I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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