It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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