somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
