Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
