Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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