what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
