I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
