Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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