Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize