Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
