I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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