O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
