if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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