I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize