I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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