i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
