Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
