New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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