He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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