he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
