CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and she was petting her beer can
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
