Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
