guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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